


looking at him was safer than facing the damage again

by coruscantguard (nadiavandyne), nadiavandyne



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Bickering, Canon-Typical Violence, Clone Trooper Culture (Star Wars), Clone Trooper-Typical Eugenics Beliefs, Cody and Fox: We are going to fall into a relationship so kriffing weirdly, Cuddling, Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Violence Between Children, M/M, Rivals to Lovers, Rivals to Rivals With Benefits to Who Honestly Fucking Knows With FeelingsTM, Trauma, Worldbuilding, all of that is re. Kamino, except its more, internalized ableism, mentioned child death, on a happier post Kamino note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28696191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nadiavandyne/pseuds/coruscantguard, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nadiavandyne/pseuds/nadiavandyne
Summary: The mission is a kriffing disaster.Usually, Cody refrains from calling missions that, because the universe always seems to take it as a challenge, but kriff that. The mission is a kriffingdisaster, and half of his face feels like it's onfire, and the Forcedamned universe can go kriff itself.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CC-3636 | Wolffe, CC-2224 | Cody & CC-5869 | Stone, CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody/CC-1010 | Fox
Comments: 10
Kudos: 104





	looking at him was safer than facing the damage again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clonecest_bin_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clonecest_bin_account/gifts).



The mission is a kriffing disaster.

Usually, Cody refrains from calling missions that, because the universe always seems to take it as a challenge, but kriff that. The mission is a kriffing _disaster_ , and half of his face feels like it's on _fire_ , and the Forcedamned universe can go kriff itself.

"Osik," he hears Bishop say from above him, feels the medic grab his arm. "Osik, Commander, _I swear to the karking Force_ —"

Cody blinks up at him. Sees, for a moment, not Bishop but _Boba_. He squints at the light that looks all too much like the lights in Kamino's training rooms. Tries to remember what the kriff happened, why the golden boy is here instead of following Prime around like his shadow, except extra tiny and extra bratty.

" _Osik_ —" he hears Boba-maybe Bishop- say, and he frowns. Feels a hand on his face, a flare of pain—

 _Jango, furious, Boba, bleeding_ —

"Sorry," Cody mumbles, tries to figure out what's going on. Feels, for a moment, the phantom weight of a kama on his hips, sees the room flicker—

And then he sees nothing at all.

-

Cody wakes up in an unfamiliar medbay.

"Good morning, diposik."

And _that's_ a voice Cody could recognize half dead, drugged out of his kriffing mind, with a bag tied over his head, karking hogtied on a raft in the middle of the karking ocean. Spend enough time around thousands of variants of the same voice, and it becomes more than a little familiar.

Cody pries open his eyes reluctantly— notes that something about his vision seems _off_ — so he can confirm that it's the vod he thinks it is.

It is. Fantastic.

"Go kriff yourself, Stone."

Stone snorts, which is just rude of him. What a bastard.

(Cody thinks he's missed him, maybe. He wouldn’t admit to it if his life depended on it, but he's relatively sure he has. He doesn't exactly have a lot of experience _missing_ people, but—

There's a dull pain he feels when he sees something that reminds him of Stone. Of Wolffe. Of Faie and Rex and Bly and Ponds and sometimes even kriffing Fox, and—

Well, according to the holonet, 'missing' someone can present itself as physical pain. So. He thinks he's missed Stone.)

"Hey, don't speak about my cloning vat like that. I've been informed she exchanged marriage vows with Prime."

"With what voice?"

"Uh, she had a Kaminoan friend write them down for her-- oh stop looking at me like that, I've been up for thirty kriffing hours, my snarky comebacks are not up to par."

"Your snarky comebacks are never up to par," Cody points out, pauses. "Wait, did someone really tell you that about Prime?"

"...Kind of?"

Cody opens his mouth. Shuts it again. Allows the silence to wither. Then— "Explain."

"Marshall Commander, _sir yes sir_ ," Stone says, and Cody raises a hand to make a rude gesture in his general direction. "Apparently, a few years ago, Fox pissed off Ordo when both Prime and Skirata were around, and things kind of... escalated. And Trainer Skirata made a comment to him, and Prime rebuked it with... that. And then years later Fox got incredibly drunk and told me about it."

Cody pauses to consider that. "I don't like that explanation."

"And I don't like you."

Cody rolls his eyes— notes the strange sensation on one side of his face. Hm.

"Hey, watch it—" Stone suddenly snaps, freezing Cody in place, his hand half lifted up to the eye he can't see out of.

Osik. Osik osik _osik_. Force, please no.

"Stone—"

"You didn't lose any of your sight." Stone says. "You didn't. You'll make a full recovery."

Thank _kriff_.

Cody's next breath out is more of a choked-off shudder, a _thank the Force_ heave of air. Losing part of his vision— well. It's not ideal.

After all, the Republic ordered perfect soldiers. A soldier without an eye is not a perfect soldier.

Stone only continues speaking after Cody's gotten himself back under control. Huh. Seems Coruscant has been good for his manners. "But you do have a gruesome karking scar."

… Nevermind.

"A gruesome karking... _what_?"

"Scar. Looks kinda like you face-planted into a tree. I suppose it could be sexy if you're into that kinda osik."

"Face-planting into trees?"

"No, di'kut, scars. But for someone to like you, they'd also probably have to be into both things."

"Kark off," Cody says, but he wants to grin despite himself. It's been a long time since he's seen Stone. "Does that mean I should... not touch my face?"

Stone pauses, thinks. "I mean, there are bandages, so as long as you don't prod at it, you should be fine." Cody nods at that, slowly raises his hand to his head to feel the bandages while Stone keeps talking. "Your General is quite the character."

Cody lets his eyes fall close, presses his hand lightly to his forehead, states, "What did he do."

It probably should be a question. It is not a question. Stone laughs at him, cruel bastard he is.

"As you're recovering from your injury, he's arranged for you to have lightsaber lessons at the Temple."

 _What_.

"Mind repeating that, Commander?"

"'If Commander Cody is going to be wielding my lightsaber in active combat, he ought to know how to use it properly,'" Stone quotes, his voice an almost perfect mimicry of the General's. "Does that mean," Stone continues, switching back to his normal voice, "that those rumors about you and General Kenobi's lightsaber _aren't_ just shinies being shinies?"

Cody groans. "Oh, kark off." He pauses, thinks, then speaks again. "And since when did you become a kriffing mimic?"

"Too much guard duty," Stone says, which doesn't answer his question at _all_ —

Wait. Lightsaber training. _Lightsaber training_. He's going to learn how to use a _lightsaber_.

He's on Coruscant, and he's going to be trained with a lightsaber, and he's badly injured enough that he's in a natborn hospital on Coruscant.

Kriffing _hell_.

-

The training room is dark when Kote breaks into it, still and silent in the night. It's only because of the fierceness of the storm raging outside that he feels comfortable doing this, only because he'd overheard one of the Nulls confirm that the security cameras were out that he's so blatantly breaking the rules.

Something under his skin itches, and 1010 and 5052 won't kriffing _shut up_ , and Kote is seven and a half and _named_ and still not the best.

And he has to be the best. He has to be. So he sneaks out of the dorm, feels the weight of 1010's eyes on him, knows full well that both 1010 and 5052 are going to denounce him to the trainers tomorrow, and mentally begs the Force to keep the cameras down.

If the cameras stay down, he can deny it, and 1010 and 5052 will get in trouble for lying. If the cameras go back up, and _he's_ caught lying—

Well. He won't be decommissioned. He's too promising for that. 1010 and 5052 wouldn't risk ratting him out for an offense this big otherwise. Vode who get vode killed usually end up in the infirmary with broken bones the next day, usually fall unconscious several times before they're even _allowed_ to go to the medbay. The Kaminiise don't like it, complain about their property being broken, but as long as it's not baseless, Prime couldn't give less of a shit. As long as it's justified, and no one dies, it's fine in his eyes.

(It's not like anyone _else_ is going to avenge them, after all. Denouncing cadets who commit decommissioning worthy offenses is technically the correct thing to do. Why would the trainers punish the perpetrator?

Well, Trainer Priest would, but Priest considers punishment good practice, so he doesn't really count.)

He wraps his hands carefully, knows that if he kriffs them up, it'll be evidence of his guilt. Reluctantly, he resigns himself to focusing solely on his punches— bruised shins would be an instant giveaway regarding his excursion, a CT mistake.

He's a CC. He's made from better stuff than that.

He's only a few minutes in when he notes that his shoulder hurts. It's not a surprise, for all that it's annoying— 3636 dislocated it the other day, earned both Prime's approval and an eye roll from 1010.

(That eye roll earned 1010 a backhand from Trainer Reau, and he'd had to admit to _disloyalty to his vode by mocking a fellow cadet's sucess_ during self-reflection and be subject to the entire company's judgement instead of just the squad's, so he'd gotten what he deserved, but still.)

He probably shouldn't be training with it like this, but if he wants to beat 3636 next week, he has to get better. Has to _be_ better. Has to be the _best_. It's the only way to guarantee his future.

3636 is his vod, but 3636's also a survivor, and he won't fail. Kote doesn't begrudge him this. Can't. How could he, when he's the same?

The Republic paid for them. The Republic is the reason for their creation, the one that feeds them, trains them, makes sure that they'll be the best they can be.

Kote's ultimate loyalty, all of their ultimate loyalties, are to the Republic. Are to the ones that they are all born to serve. But they'll only get to serve if they live up to their true potential, and Prime and the trainers are the ones to make that call, are the ones who tell the Kaminiise which cadets aren't up to snuff, so there's no room for mercy on the mats.

( _No mercy on the mats, no brothers on the battlefield_ , Trainer Tervho told them ages ago. _The only way you'll survive your command and keep your vode alive is if it is logic that dictates your actions in war, not love. Kark up because you make a bad choice and your closest brother died, and you'll die right there next to him._ )

He hits the bag harder, ignores the fact that he's starting to falter, and hits it again. Again and again, until his hands ache and his shoulder burns, until he manages to pull away, all alone and insignificant in the darkened training room.

Kote sits down on the floor, begins unwrapping his hands. Uncurls his hands, stares at his knuckles.

Well, osik.

-

Three weeks before Geonosis, Rex nearly got decommissioned.

Three weeks before Geonosis, Cody slept with Fox for the first time.

Fox has always been good at handling people, and Cody had been nearly out of his mind with fear and fury.

Afterwards, they don't talk about it.

-

In the shadow of the Malevolence, they slept together again.

Afterwards, Cody turned so he laid facing the wall, let Fox see himself out. He didn't turn around.

They don't talk about that, either.

-

Training at the Jedi Temple is different from Kamino. _Vastly_ different. He mentions it when he comms Rex next, and Rex doesn't quite grin, but there's definitely an amused twitch of the lips there. "Gonna come back to the 212th in Jedi robes, Commander?"

"Hilarious," Cody replies, voice as dry as the deserts of Jakku. "You've developed your General's wit."

"Oh, kriff off," Rex says good naturedly. "Have fun working with the Guard," he teases, "I'll say your remberances if you die of boredom."

Cody snorts. "Koyacyi, vod."

"Koyacyi."

-

"Good evening, Cody. We're looking into changing Kamino's training policies," is how General Kenobi greets him during the next comm call, and Cody is halfway through returning the pleasantries when he actually registers what's been said.

"—I'm sorry, wait, did you just say that you're looking into changing Kamino's training policies?" Cody asks, dumbfounded. He sneaks a glance at the Guard commanders, frowns at their expressions.

So _he's_ the only one who's having this sprung on him. Great.

"I did say that, yes," General Kenobi answers.

"Sir, didn't General Ti already do that?"

A pause. "To a degree, yes," General Kenobi finally says, his words slow, careful. "But the Kaminoans have blocked her from certain aspects of the cadets' training, supposedly on Jango Fett's orders, and we have... concerns."

 _Yeah, no osik_ , part of Cody wants to say. _Prime was known for killing Jedi. Of course you have concerns._

But— if the concerns were about _them_ , about what beliefs they internalized from Prime, General Kenobi wouldn't be asking them for their opinion on his training. Or at least, he wouldn't be asking them like this.

That would be an extraordinarily foolish, shortsighted move, and General Kenobi has proven time and time again that he's better than that.

Cody could wait, could make General Kenobi spell out exactly what his agenda is. Or—

He sneaks a glance at Fox, catches a flicker of a doubtful expression on his face.

And osik, that does it. If Fox doesn't think this is a good idea, then Cody might as well be as helpful as possible and prove him wrong.

"There's nothing supposed about it, sir," Cody answers after a moment. "The Kaminoans don't personally care about how we're trained, that's out of their purview."

"They don't care?"

"Not really, sir. If they're blocking you, it's because the remaining members of the Cuy'val Dar don't want you getting involved, and have told them to do so. All the Kaminoans care about is whether or not we live up to the standards Prime set."

Once he finishes, Stone chimes in. "They're cloners, not soldiers. They care about our nutrients, the amount of sleep we get, how well we obey orders, if we pick up skills at the correct rate, if we have any mutations— things along those lines."

General Kenobi looks troubled. "Could you elaborate on what, exactly, they don't care about?"

"How we're taught to obey orders, and how we're taught certain skills is irreverent to them, unless they come to the conclusion that whatever methods the trainers are using are too harmful to us— their products. That's why they stopped live-fire exercises."

"Too much of the product was irreversibly damaged during exercises that used live-fire," Fox says, his voice a bland drawl that's eerily reminiscent of the way the Kaminoans spoke. And considering the face General Kenobi makes, Cody's not the only one who picks up on that. "The product was not engineered to experience these circumstances until fully matured."

Fox pauses. Silence follows. He makes a face. "What? Trainer Tervho found me amusing enough that she didn't report me if she caught me eavesdropping."

"Yeah, but the Kaminiise?" Thorn asks. " _Dude_."

"That's a far cry from listening in on Tervho and Prime gossiping about Vau's boys catching Reau and Priest kriffing for the millionth time," Stone says. Cody nods his agreement.

Fox shrugs nonchalantly, despite the fact that he's radiating smugness. "I was curious, that's all."

"Curious and di'kutla," Thorn mutters, and Cody barely manages to choke down his snicker in time. Fox glares at them both. "What? I'm not wrong."

" _Anyway_ , you do what you have to do to survive," Stone says, bringing them back to the topic at hand. "You don't make it out of there without, well, adapting."

"Adapting?" General Kenobi asks, an odd note in his voice. He flicks his fingers, and a holopic of two cadets pops up. One of them appears to be bleeding.

Ah.

"We're soldiers, sir," Cody says slowly, forcing his eyes away from the photo. "They trained us specifically for war."

"Which means—"

"We did what we had to do to stay alive. To be best. To get to serve the Republic," Fox interrupts, voice quiet. Quiet, not soft. Cody isn't sure Fox even knows the meaning of the word soft, isn't sure he'd recognize it even if it was right in front of him. "You said you personally were concerned about the fact that you believe the training regime we went through didn't allow our child selves to thrive."

Osik. Cody feels himself go cold. He doesn't remember General Kenobi saying that, but—

Earlier, none of the Guard commanders had seemed surprised. So it makes sense that they may know something he does not.

"You are not incorrect in your belief," Fox continues. "For many of us, the child, as natborns define it, was the first to die. We then remade ourselves into beings that could survive." He turns to Cody. "Isn't that right, Kote?"

Oh that _bastard._

Cody growls, and it's all instinct at first, all reaction. How _dare_ he, how _dare_ he, except—

For a moment, it is Kote in the holopic who stands there, glaring at young-Fox. It is Kote who stands there, with wrists so tiny Cody fears he will snap them, with blood on his clothes and a scowl on his face. It is _Kote_ , proud and angry and four years away from renaming himself, _Kote_ , who will remake the self to the soldier he always wanted to be, _Kote_ , who exists only in his memories, splattered red with love and bloodshed.

"Yeah, well, I survived," Cody makes himself say, all too conscious of Fox's eyes on him. Of General Kenobi's presence, of Stone and Thorn and of Rex's miraculous absence. " _And_ I kept those I cared for alive."

It's a cruel dig. Cody knows this. Knows of the times in the dorms that Fox woke up screaming, knows that sometimes it was only Alpha-kriffing-17 who could get him to calm down. Remembers, vividly, the screams when they were all cadets, remembers Wolffe and Faie trying their best to get Fox to calm down, remembers that failing, remembers sneaking out with Wolffe to go find 17 as Faie tried to anchor him to the present. Fox and Cody weren't friends back then— still aren't, for all that they're more civil now— but getting anyone _but_ a vod would have been a death sentence for Fox, and that kind of betrayal isn't something vode take kindly to. The difference between denouncing a vod for a mistake and revealing a fundamental flaw in their programming is as deep as Kamino's sea, and for all that Cody would gladly and vindictively do the first, he'd never do the second. The second was unthinkable. The second was a death sentence.

( _Was_ being the key word there, because according to Rex's ARCs, General Ti had abolished that policy immediately. Had clamped down on the decommissionings, recruited Rancor to help her, even somehow managed to get Alpha-17 on her side. Which probably shouldn't be a surprise to Cody, but— _17._ )

Anyway, 17 had explained it to them that day by saying that Fox _got lost in his head sometimes_ , and that had been a phenomenon Cody was completely unfamiliar with back then. He remembers briefly thinking that if Fox wasn't tired enough to sleep through the night, he should stop slacking off in class. He remembers shrugging the incident off, and moving on.

But for all that he shrugged it off, he does still remember it. Does still know his comment is out of line, touches on one of the things that Fox doesn't talk about.

He can't deal with Kote anymore, though. Can't answer the questions the General might have about the child who once wore his body. Because Kenobi is looking into Kamino's training methods, and Cody _wants_ to help with that, wants to use his childhood experiences to make a change. But—

But he also wants to curl up in a ball and hide away. Wants to say _kark you_ , wants to ignore the vode still on Kamino and tell the Generals _too karking late_ , wants back CC-5077, and Bonefire, and Elle, and CC-6638—

 _And I kept those I cared for alive_.

As expected, the barb lands. It lands, and Fox flinches, something raw and tender flashing over his face that almost makes Cody feel bad. But then—

"Why do you loathe kamas some much?" Fox replies, all perfect pleasantries for the bite in his tone. The Jedi can certainly feel the tension in those words, for all that there's a galaxy of space separating him from Fox and Cody, but Fox will be an actor until his dying day, and Cody knows Fox's earlier confession about their younger selves is the closest thing to honesty they'll get from him tonight.

It doesn't matter anyway, because as soon as Fox's response sinks in, any guilt he may be feeling flies away. Why do you loathe kamas so much, Fox asked, cool as can be, like it was any other question. Why do you loathe kamas so much.

In Cody's mind, there is a room, a door, and a choice. In his mind, Boba is eternally hurt, eternally crying. In his mind, Prime's snarl spans all of space and time.

"General, mind if I go finish the mission report?" Cody somehow manages to ask, and the moment he gets affirmation from General Kenobi, he spins on his heel, stalks out, slams the button to close the door behind him. Ignores the looks on Stone's and Thorn's faces, ignores the fact that if he had any other General, he would've just committed a reconditioning level offense, all because of _words_.

Kriffing _Fox_.

-

In his dreams that night, the past stalks him like a shadow, one that not even the bright lights of Kamino can keep away.

He dreams that there's rain, rain, rain— there's always rain. There's white light and sterile rooms and raised voices, anger and determination and fading glory.

On the ground, there's a child. A clone. Boba. Prime's son.

The boy on the ground— _the golden boy_ , he'd spitefully called him back then— cries, and Cody— no, _Kote_ , tries to hush him, flinches when he cries louder.

He blinks, and the scene changes. He's in the Guard's barracks, away from Kamino, and suddenly he can _breathe_ , but—

The scene flickers. He is in the Guard's barracks. He is Kote, who has never left Kamino. There are cries in his ears that no one else seems to hear, armor on his body that's shiny white in a way it hasn't been in an year, and—

Boba's blood on his kama, anger in his veins. Not fair, a voice in his head calls out, not fair, not fair, not fair! He outgrew this hurt years ago, swallowed it down and sucked it up, and this Boba might be physically the size of the five year old cadets, but the five year old cadets also aren't karking ad'ika. They've learned better by now, they know that life hurts, that if they don't get back up they'll be lucky to get thrown down to the bottom of Kamino's endless blue sea—

Of course the golden boy betrays him, Kote thinks dimly, watching Boba shake apart in Prime's arms, watching Prime's expression darken to a fury that scares him to the bone. Of course this is how he dies. Not with his honor, not out on the battlefield with a bang, but here, in a near-empty training room on Kamino, silent except for Boba's whimpers.

The door is open. He could run. He has a choice.

But if he stays here, maybe he'll get the luxury of dying fast.

There's no glory in either option. No glory in his veins. No way to survive, unless he's lucky.

The kama mocks him where it lays. A dream, taken away, hope, ripped from his hands—

He was going to be _ARC_ , just like 17.

He is—

He was—

Cody wakes up with a gasp.

-

He stumbles down to the mess hall in a daze, not quite free of the combination of memories pounding at his head. The combination of memories he hasn't let himself think about in _years_ , that he thought he'd successfully pushed away.

He doesn't realize, at first, that the mess hall isn't actually deserted. Doesn't realize it until he nearly trips over Fox, and—

Well, osik. "You look horrible," Cody says before his brain can catch up with his mouth. But to be fair, he's not _wrong._ Fox looks horrible.

Still, considering the way Fox's eyes dart over him, the way his eyebrow raises judgmentally, Cody's relatively sure he does too.

"Bacta patch, meet bacta bath."

Cody stares at him. Fox stares back, unrepentant. Like that idiom isn't kriffing _wrong—_

"You _do_ know those are two very fundamentally different things, right? Coruscant hasn't rotted your brain that badly?"

"Cody?" Fox asks, and shoves a mug of caf at him. Cody blinks in bewilderment as Fox continues. "Shut up."

And he's not inclined to take orders from Fox, but— the mug of caf is hot against his hands. Comforting. The furthest thing from Kamino's cold, wet rain.

So he shuts up.

The next morning, they don't talk about it.

-

The following meeting regarding Kamino's training policies is awkward.

As is the one after that. And the one after _that_.

Then the next meeting happens, and Generals Kenobi and Skywalker are there this time, as are Rex and Commander Tano. Stone and Thorn aren't, though— diplomatic missions, apparently— but Fox is supposed to be.

Fox is _supposed_ to be, but Fox only shows up when they're ten minutes into the meeting. He's absolutely radiating irritation when he stalks in, and Cody winces behind his bucket. Great. Just great.

But the Generals politely ignore Fox's delay, instead just quickly roping him into the conversation, which is kind of them.

Except for all the ways it's kriffing not.

(...No. It is kind. Just... not well thought through. Not when it's Fox, who hasn't worked with the Jedi, who isn't familiar with their way of doing things.)

Cody knows Fox. Not as well as the other Corrie Guard commanders, perhaps, but they trained together for long enough that it would be impossible _not_ to know him. So he knows that Fox is _expecting_ a punishment, or at least to get yelled at, and every moment without one has him getting more and more tense at Cody's side.

And Cody can't exactly bring it up without humiliating Fox, and having to explain the whole mess to the Generals, which sounds painful even in his mind. So... a distraction would be ideal. But Fox will probably kill him if he interrupts the meeting.

...But _Cody_ will probably kill Fox if he makes any more snippy remarks to Rex.

Kriff it, Cody mentally says, and grabs Fox's shoulder. Somehow, he manages not to lose his hand in doing so. "You're caught up in your head. Stop it."

For a moment, there's complete and utter silence. For a moment, Cody is _certain_ he's about to get thrown out of the window. Then—

"Shut up," Fox says, glaring at him, and spitefully moving away from Cody's hand. "Some of us actually think, and therefore don't get our faces sliced open like karking shinies who can't handle karking knives."

Cody bites down on his automatic comeback— because for all that it's accurate, a jab about Fox not being on the front lines is not a jab Fox will take lightly— and instead raises an eyebrow at Fox, a silent _Really?_ Fox rolls his eyes, not dignifying that with a response, but Fox being annoyed is more tolerable than Fox being an anxious snippy mess, so Cody takes it as a win.

When he turns his focus back to the call, he hears Commander Tano and Rex through the hologram, clear as day. "What's _up_ with them?" Commander Tano whisper-demands, and General Skywalker sends her a look that she ignores.

Cody barely holds back a snort. Rude brat. Takes after Rex. In his mind's eye he can practically see Rex's answering shrug.

Just as he expected, Rex shrugs in response. "They've been like this as long as I've known them. And I've known them for a long time."

… Okay, what the kriff is _that_ supposed to mean, Rex. Cody sighs, turns on his comm, types out a message.

Captain Rex

U need to get better at whispering

atin'la atin'la atin'la

shouldn’t u be worrying abt Vm~?

What the kark

What the kark is that

it’s a fox

it’s nose is pointing down

then it has legs

then a tail

obviously

“Obviously”

Why in Sith hells did u come up with that

didn’t

one of the shinies did

i want him 2 be arc

Absolutely Not

Cody goes to turn his comm off, resolving to interrogate Rex about it whenever they're next on leave together, but before he can, his comm vibrates with another new message. And then another one. And then another one after that.

Captain Rex

wait wait wait

send this to fox

/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\

cody cody codyyyyyy

come on it’ll be funnyyyyyy

codyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Read, 13:04

-

The next night that Cody stumbles into the mess hall again, it's less of a surprise to see Fox there. Less of a surprise to be handed a mug off caf.

But it still is a surprise. Which is why Cody's comm is still on. Why his recent contacts are still displayed.

"Earlier. Why were you late?" Cody demands in the moment when his mug of caf is firmly in his hands, but Fox hasn't yet picked up his own. For all that he's curious, he'd rather not have hot caf thrown at him today, thanks. And asking _that_ question in _that_ tone of voice while Fox is holding a perfectly viable weapon would be asking for trouble.

"None of your business," Fox snaps back immediately, pauses, makes a face. Waves a hand through the air, faux-casual. "A mission for the Chancellor. Don't worry about it."

"Nexuosik," Cody replies, because seriously, that's what that answer is. Utter nexu-kriffing-osik. " _Nexuosik_."

Fox makes a rude gesture his way, picks up his caf again. Takes a sip instead of replying. Cody resists the urge to roll his eyes, instead following Fox's lead, and doing the same.

...Huh. There's sugar in the caf tonight. That's… surprisingly nice.

"Cody," Fox says suddenly, breaking the silence. "What the kark is my contact name?"

Cody blinks. Looks down at his caf. Looks up at Fox. "Come again?"

"My contact name, di'kut. I can see it in your recent holocomms. What the kark."

Ah. _Right_. That.

"It's a fox," Cody answers, wrapping his fingers around the mug, as he lets go with one hand and holds out his arm to show Fox his contact. "See, there's it's snout pointing down, and then it's body, and then it's tail."

By the end of his explanation, Fox is no longer looking at his comm, instead staring at his forehead with a judgemental look on his face. "What the kark, Cody."

Cody shrugs, brings his hand back in and grabs the mug again to get the most warmth from the caf. "You implied you killed 1010, did you not?" he asks, raises the mug to take a sip of the caf. "Felt like a dick move, keeping you listed as CC-1010 anyway. After all, it's not like I'm listed in your contacts as Kote."

"Yeah, that's because you're listed as CC-2224," Fox bites back. Still, the confusion is audible in his voice, and Cody hides his grin in his mug of caf.

"Schematics."

Silence. Then— "...You're breaking regulations."

"Yeah," Cody replies, "General Kenobi encourages us to get creative, even though we're not technically supposed to. And, well, we were made for the Jedi, so...."

Cody trails off. Fox opens his mouth, but no sound comes out, and he shuts it again. He goes back to his caf. Cody does the same.

Finally, Cody finishes his caf, and leaves Fox in the mess hall without another word.

-

Fox catches him outside the Jedi Temple the next day, after Cody's lightsaber lesson is finished, on the account of him still being injured. Which is annoying, because karking hell, it's his face he broke, not his arms.

Still, he's not about to argue with General Windu, and anyway, he aches in the good way, the way that speaks of working hard, of making progress. Which is probably why he doesn't punch Fox in the nose for his greeting.

"What about you, goldie?" is what Fox greets him with. "Where did Kote go?"

 _Goldie_ , Cody registers distantly, half of his brain still focused on his lessons. But oh, the irony. It's probably just a jab about his armor, but— still ironic. _Especially_ considering what memories had driven him to the mess hall the first night.

"Kote was named by Prime. He died on Geonosis, fell with General Windu's blade."

It's a lie, but it's one that makes sense, one that Fox shouldn't question. After all, why would he? Cody knows he has a million other things to do. Knows that he's insignificant in the grand scheme of responsibilities Fox has.

Fox scoffs at him. "Now _that_ I know is nexuosik. We were calling you Cody long before your Jedi graced Kamino's walls."

… Or maybe he's not.

"You caught me." Cody doesn't quite grin, because there's nothing to grin at, but he kind of almost wants to. He shoves away that realization to deal with never, and instead says— "Want to go for lunch?"

"No," Fox replies instantly, then makes a face. "What the kark. Why."

"Why…?"

"Lunch, di'kut."

"I'm hungry," Cody states.

"You're hungry," Fox repeats doubtfully, and Cody resists the urge to roll his eyes.

"No, I'm planning on poisoning you, _yes I'm kriffing hungry_. I've spent my morning swinging around a beam of plasma. I don't have the energy for murder attempts."

The look Fox sends him is one part suspicion, and one part something that could maybe be amusement, except for the fact that Fox is looking at _him_. But after a moment, Fox relents, and falls in step with Cody. "We're not going to Dex's."

"Sure," Cody says obligingly.

They go get lunch from Dex's.

-

Commander Stone

WTF did Fox change ur contact name and is there an intergalactic incident happening

???????

Well hello to u too

Cut the osik Cody

I remember Kamino

I was THERE on Kamino

What the hell prompted Fox to change ur contact name

Uhhhhhhhhh

What did he change it to?

Di'kut

Hey!

I'm not the one coming out of nowhere with random accusations that make no sense and have no basis in truth

No dumbass

He changed ur contact name to di'kut

O h h h

Wanna explain why he did it now?

Cody?

Marshall Commander???

If you don't answer me I will abuse my position and arrest you

Shabuir

S H A B U I R

Read, 23:57

-

When the news comes, all Cody can think about is no longer being _Kote_ , the moment that change was made. Because— because—

Because after Kote weathered Prime's rage, it was 3636 who pulled him away. 3636 who kicked the kama out of sight, who said all the right words and nodded at all the right times when Prime confronted them again, Boba's blood still on shirt. 3636, who chose for Kote, who dragged him out of that room, logic be damned.

"Di'kut," 3636 hissed at him, voice pure poison, for all that his hands were gentle as he checked Kote over. " _Di'kut_! What in Sith hells were you thinking, Kote?"

"No," Kote said instinctively, trying to rope his thoughts together. "I'm— no."

"Yeah, it's pretty obvious you weren't thinking, you karking meatbag."

"That's not it," Kote replied, considered. "That's not me."

"You don't get to say you're not a di'kut when you nearly just died."

"Not that," he said, as he thought it through again. Thought of glory, of bangs and whimpers, of betrayal and brotherhood and bloodshed. "Cody," he said suddenly, trying the name out, testing how it tasted when he swallowed, how it settled low in his stomach.

It sunk into his skin easier than he had expected it too, flowed off his tongue the same way orders do, when he's in command. And it wasn't him yet, but— but it could be, someday.

"I'm Cody," he repeated, relished the taste of the word. "Not Kote. Cody."

_Cody. A name chosen by him, for him._

"...Fine. Whatever," 3636 said after a moment. He stopped walking, yanked Cody around so that Cody saw the glare Wolffe leveled at him. "Cody. You're a karking di'kut. What the _hell_?"

And— kark, he probably shouldn't have laughed at that, but—

He was alive. And that's— that's something of importance. Something impactful, even if only to Cody himself.

His name was Cody. His heart beat. He was alive.

But now, Wolffe might not be.

-

"He's not going to die."

"Kark off," Cody says, right as familiar footsteps approach. He does not look back, does not offer anything else.

Kark. Karking _Ventress_.

"He won't," Fox says, because apparently _someone_ is unable to take a hint. "It's Wolffe. He's stubborn. He'll be fine."

"He lost his _eye_ ," Cody bites back, nearly sick with the horror of the situation. "The Republic didn't order _stubborn_ soldiers, they ordered perfect ones."

"And yet they got you anyway."

Wolffe breathes in, out, in again. Cody watches him, counts each breathe, forces himself to calm down. Wolffe is here. He's currently breathing. Ventress hasn't won yet. Fox is just being Fox. "Kark off. Go away. I don't need you here."

"Obviously," Fox says, sounding almost insulted by the words. "Why in Sith hells would you need me here? You're breathing just fine on your own."

Cody doesn't dignify that with a response. No osik he can live without Fox. If he has to, he will live without Wolffe.

He doesn't want to, though.

Karking _Ventress_.

Whatever. _Whatever_. Fox can choose to stay or go. Cody will not look back, will not pressure him one way or another.

He will not—

He will _not_ —

But Wolffe's too still on the bed in front of him, and kark, the flash of fear that hits him is strong. He knows he will be deployed again in mere days, knows that this very well could be him, that this almost _was_ him, and he finds that he almost wants to look Fox in the eyes and beg him to stay, wants to at least let himself watch Fox when he walks away—

Cody turns.

Cody turns and he looks, an unforgivable offense in it's vulnerability, in the fact that it means he _cares_ , except—

Except that Fox is right there when he turns, beside Cody's chair, so he's already _chosen_ —

"You _di'kut_ ," Fox says, and suddenly there are arms wrapping around him, a face buried in his neck, a body curling around his own. For a moment, Cody can barely breathe. "I'm not going to just leave, I'm the one who showed up here in the first place. Wolffe is my friend too, you know."

(He's struck dumb for a moment, trying to decode the difference between Fox's words and what must be reality. Trying to figure out why Fox is really here, and why he didn't just pull up his own chair.

He fails to find a logical explanation.)

"Oh, kark off," Cody replies, even as he relaxes into Fox's grasp, breathes in, breathes out. Might as well ask him. "What the kriff is this meant to be, anyway?"

A pause. "It's a hug."

"Yeah, no _osik—_ "

"Natborns like to hug each other during periods of emotional distress. You seemed distressed."

"Periods of emotional distress— you're so karking pretentious—"

"I FIGURED I'd try it but if it isn't helping..." Suddenly, Fox shifts as if he plans to move away, and Cody—

"No," Cody makes himself say. "Stay. It's weird but it's not... bad."

It's not that Cody hasn't been hugged before, because he _has_ , he has millions of vode, but—

But on Kamino, distress was a weakness they all quickly learned that they had to hide. So he's not _used_ to being hugged when he feels like he wants to cry, when he's all wound up, and the world feels wrong around him. Not sure it's helping.

But it definitely isn't hurting.

-

Later that night, when the Guard's CMO, Naak, kicks them out, they curl up on Fox's bunk. It's too small for the two of them— hell, it would've been too small for them both back as _cadets—_ but they make it work. It's Fox who ends up laying half on top of Cody, both of them covered by the blanket Naak had shoved their way while throwing them out.

Surprisingly, they don't do anything more than that. Cody had thought that was Fox's plan when Fox had pulled him back to his bunk, but… evidently not. Evidently just more hugging.

He'd ask why not, but that would mean acknowledging that it's happened before, and Cody is _so_ not in the right frame of mind to do that.

Instead, he lays there. Listens to Fox breathe. Tells himself again and again that Wolffe will be fine.

(He has to be.)

It had taken General Koon's presence by Wolffe's bed to get him to leave. Cody knows the only reason Naak hadn't just sedated him and dragged him out was because of the nearly-healed head wound— knows that because Fox had chewed him out about that on their way to his bunk.

"Naak doesn't allow people to stay past visiting hours," Fox says suddenly, voice muffled against Cody's collarbone. "The fact that she did this time is bad."

"When you say bad, you mean...."

There's a moment of silence. Fox's breath is hot on his skin, and— Cody can't breathe, for a second, overwhelmed with this sensation. The blanket they're wrapped in is one of General Koon's, according to Naak, at least, and it's disarmingly soft, furry and smooth and _warm_. It should be too much— clones run hot, plus Cody has Fox acting as his personal comforter, but somehow, he's not overheating. Part of him wants to blame weird Force osik, but unless a Jedi is hiding in the vents, that's impossible. And it's very unlikely that there is a Jedi hiding in the vents. They're too small, for one— Commander Tano can barely fit in them, which is a fact Cody hates that he knows. He's never staying with Torrent on leave ever again.

(Cody also knows that declaration is a lie, and not even a good one, but, whatever.)

"If he was on Kamino, he'd be dead."

Cody doesn't flinch, but— he nearly does. "Right."

The word comes out sharp, but it doesn't seem to phase Fox. He just tightens his grip on Cody, a gesture that after a moment, Cody returns. Then—

"How long can we wait until we start teasing him about only having one eye?"

Cody chokes. "What the _kriff_ , Fox?"

"It's a serious question!" Fox defends, but the relief in his voice at Cody's response says otherwise. Karking Fox. Always _handling_ people.

It bothers him less than it probably should.

"I wouldn't want to be rude," Fox continues, and Cody groans.

"You're the worst," he says, knocking his head back against the wall. "The worst, I tell you."

"And _you're_ a waste of space," Fox shoots back. He doesn't bother lifting his head from Cody's chest. "CC-2224, Kote, Cody— all insufferable."

"Is that why you're napping on me, then?"

"Kark off. I don't nap."

"Sorry, is that why you're strategically passing out on me then?"

Fox grumbles, and digs his chin into Cody's ribs until Cody grunts. "Heathen," Cody accuses, but there's no real heat to the word.

"Shabuir," Fox shoots back.

"Chakaar."

"Di'kut."

"I'm gonna have to leave soon."

"Come back breathing," Fox orders, and it's an order for all that the words are mumbled against his skin, and _kark_. Kark. How does he reply to that?

Because that's not an assurance he can make, and Fox _knows_ that, knows that Cody can't promise that and he refuses to make promises he can't uphold, so why would he _say_ it—

"After all, Stone will be pissed if you don't, and everytime Stone gets pissed he's _insufferable_ to work with."

Cody blinks. There's no way Fox just said that.

"Well, if _Stone_ will be pissed—"

"He will be. So don't do it."

Sith hells, he _did_ just say that.

"I'll do my best," Cody says, hiding his grin in Fox's hair.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I hope you enjoyed! Happy 2021!
> 
> \- The title is from the book _The King's Men_ by Nora Sakavic, because I honestly get SO many Andreil vibes from these two, and also, I just adore that quote.
> 
> \- In this AU, Palpatine is a bit less successful with eliminating the Jedi before the war, so there are just _more_ Jedi around when The Clone Wars start, which allows the Council to actually have the time to look more into Kamino. (Nim Pianna doesn't die, so both her and Rael are Generals. Lexia Ginorra chooses not to run from her actions and instead returns to the Order, so she's been knighted by now as well. Shaak Ti didn't lose both her padawans on their first missions. Xanatos never fell. Bruck Chun didn't betray the Order, nor did he die. Tahl didn't die. The list goes on.) This isn't actually relevant to the fic in any way except to provide context lol, but I wanted to mention it anyway. 
> 
> \- "Self-reflection" and having to admit to your "mistakes" in front of a large group of people is a tactic used to control (and humiliate) the cadets in this fic. My portrayal of it is based off of testimony regarding the tactics used to control patients in some American therapeutic residential facilities, and tactics used in North Korea that create an environment of shame and selling other people out. (In _A Thousand Miles to Freedom_ Eunsun Kim, a North Korean refugee, speaks of one of her experiences with "self-criticism sessions" and I highly recommend that you all give that book at read). While I was writing this fic, a friend of mine absentmindedly mentioned the "shame circles/feedback groups" that happened at a facility she once was committed to, which reminded me of _A Thousand Miles to Freedom_ , which then reminded me of how an absolute lack of privacy, snitch systems, and communication blackouts are used to control people, which then reminded me of Kamino, and... here we are! After all, considering the amount of Death Watch members Jango recruited, it would make sense for those trainers to use these kinds of abusive techniques to control the cadets, as that's what they'd be familiar with. Furthermore, since most of the people Jango recruited were mercenaries, bounty hunters, and assassins, they almost certainly encouraged in-fighting and self policing among the cadets, as their prior jobs had literally been to handle situations under the table in violent ways. 
> 
> \- Speaking of self-policing in violent ways, considering that the main example they're following is that of the Cuy'val Dar, there's no way that the clones weren't absolutely vicious with each other when they fucked up as cadets. A cadet crying was more likely to be slapped by a fellow cadet than comforted, because 1, they're not familiar with comfort, 2, violence is how they've been taught to react to situations, and 3, one of them showing that kind of weakness could get them all in trouble. I imagine that it wasn't uncommon to hear a cadet hiss _you're going to get us all in trouble if you keep crying, stop being a such a tubie and shut up_ when another clone was distressed. 
> 
> \- Can you tell I started having Orpheus and Eurydice feelings about halfway through writing this? Because OH MAN DID I EVER. This fic kind of boils down to: It's selfless not to pressure him, but cruel to hide the fact that he's wanted, it's selfish to pressure him into staying, but kind to let him know that he's loved. Basically, Schrodinger's Orpheus and Eurydice. 
> 
> \- Bonefire's name is a reference to the Bonefire tarot deck!
> 
> \- Come talk to me on Tumblr [@coruscantguard!](https://coruscantguard.tumblr.com/)


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